Masa sekolah rendah cikgu suruh tulis karangan 'Cita-cita Saya', confident je tulis "guru yang berdedikasi, ingin mendidik anak bangsa, yadayadayada". Lepas tu up sikit, tukar, nak jadi pensyarah pulak. Cikgu tanya "Hanis, awak nak jadi pensyarah apa?" Cikgu Rosliadi nama dia. Confident jugak jawab "Pensyarah ugama, cikgu!" Haha 😂😂😂.
Makin tambah umur makin bertukar-tukar cita-cita. Pernah nak jadi Engineer (dah isi pun borang nak masuk sekolah teknik), Architect (sebab tengok abang Form Five macam cool buat Lukisan Kejuruteraan), Pakar Forensik kerja dengan polis (sebab selalu sangat tengok CSI), pernah rasa nak jadi cikgu again - Guru Add Math (sebab masa tu pergi Perfect Score SBP Add Math), and pernah jugak nak jadi Chemist (sebab suka Kimia gila gila gila). 😁
Last-last lepas SPM sambung medik. 💉 Alhamdulillah, enjoy je and the experiences are magnificent. 😊 And now dah halfway through dengan Medicine, masih lagi tanya diri sendiri, betul ke nak jadi Doktor ni? Sebab sometimes rasa tak yakin dengan keupayaan diri sendiri.
But what can we do is berusaha je sesungguh hati dan selalu jugak berdoa dengan Tuhan semoga dipermudahkan jalan yang kita dah pilih, or show us the right pathway in our future life, sebab after all, Dia je yang Maha Mengetahui segala rahsia di langit dan di bumi. 😇
Yang penting, usaha! Ada rezeki, alhamdulilah. Kalau takde, kita reroute. 😉 (tengok-tengok nanti Anish Apijah jadi Perdana Menteri ahahahahahhahaaha)
P/s : macam biasa stethoscope pinjam 😜
P/s/s : #throwback gambar masa OSCE tahun lepas, cuak gila and tak perasan pun OSCE jatuh on my birthday, sampai la the examiner doctor (my crush lol) check student card and cakap "Congratulations, you are done. Happy Birthday!" sambil senyum kasi cair satu kali. Kah! 😂
I don't know. Maybe I've kept too many things bottled up for these past few weeks. This is a hard path, it really is, and I acknowledge that. I don't know how other people survive this, but I've tried so hard to make sure that I TRY my best to make the most of it. And I've been improving, rather a lot than the last time. But when I think I've had given my all, the reality hits me hard, on the face.
Bersedia dari awal. Burnt the midnight oil if I had to. Made sure to go through everything before the class/tutorial/practical starts. Prepare myself because I know nak setaraf dengan kawan2 yang lagi pandai ni, it takes hard work. Ilmu tak datang golek-golek macam tu je, that one I know. But the thing is, kau rasa kau dah bersedia, and when the real time comes, rupanya ada sejuta lagi benda yang kau tak tahu. That's a part of learning process, again, that one, I know. Tapi when it comes to feeling inferior, and insecurity, I guess we just can't help it, eh?Bukannya jealous dengan orang yang lagi pandai, tapi disappointed dengan diri sendiri sebab... tak tau sebab apa. Sebab ilmu tak cukup tinggi macam orang lain maybe? And why are we comparing ourselves with other people, is another question I couldn't answer. It hurts so much harder when you're mad with yourself. Disappointed with your own self. When you're feeling overwhelmed, and incompetent, and like you don't belong. When you think that you've work hard enough but apparently your enough is not enough enough.I know, I should not focus on the bad things but need to see on great things I've accomplished so far. To feel tired, to complain is definitely not an option. But little did I know being positive is quite a hard work itself. To tell myself that everything's gonna be okay is rather a hard work itself. And to live up to people's expectations is a hard work itself.May Allah give me strength, give us strength.I'm sorry that there's too much negativity in this post. I just need to let it all out. Night. (I'm fine.)
