A Letter to My Future Daughter

now playing Sara Bareilles - Love Song

Bismillah.

Assalamualaikum my little princess. Ummm how do I write this? There's no occasion, really. I just suddenly feel like writing to you, although, you are not here, yet. But just so you know, I already fall in love with you. No, I'm not yet married, darling, and no, I'm not expecting (as in pregnant) a child right at this moment, but I do expect to have children in future, insyaAllah.

Sorry it gets a little awkward. This is my first time 'trying' to talk to my child actually (I don't have any experience on how it's like to have my own baby), so pardon me *wink*. And baby girl, your mother is an awkward-er, so, ummm hope you can deal with that.

Sayang, as for today, I have picked either Lilah or Sarah to be your name. Lilah, pronounced "Lai-la" simply means "night", while Sara means "princess". It is also the name of the wife of Prophet Ibrahim. These are two of my favorite names, I actually like simple names, and we'll leave this at here for this moment, as I need to discuss it with your father first, on which name will be yours, and would you have a middle name, we don't know that yet. 

And oh, speaking about your father....at this moment, I haven't met him yet. Really? I don' know. I mean, the only moment I can be sure that he is your father is when I'm married to him and bearing his child, do you get me? Sooooooo, right now, let's stick with "Only-Allah-knows-who'll-be-your-father". Alright alright I know I confused you so to make things clear; I'm writing this letter as a bachelorette. Ummmm maybe I have met your father. Maybe he was in my class, maybe I saw him in college, maybe we talked on the net. Or maybe we haven't encounter each other yet. Okay, time will comes for that, let's leave everything according to Allah's plan, shall we? :)

Alright, next thing. What should you call me? Few years back, I really love to be called "Bonda". Yeah I know, classic. UN-realistically classic. Haha. Maybe not "Mak". I call you grandmother "Mak". "Ibu" sounds cute, tho. "Mama" is not bad either. "Ummi", or "Mommy"? Right at this moment, I love these two the most. You can call me "Mi" for short. Isn't it cute? "Mi, I wanna eat bananas. Mi, I couldn't sleep. Mi, please hug me I'm scared."

I, will always hug you honey. When you're scared, or when you're sad. When you're utterly happy, or when you're just feeling restless in the heart. Your momma is a cuddly, huggable kind of girl, so you don't have to worry. I will hug you still, even if you feel like you don't need it anymore. These arms will always be your home. 

InsyaAllah, growing up, you will be the cutest girl. On the inside, as well as on the outside. You don't have to look like the society's "standardized" definition of pretty. You will have such a beautiful heart and the beauty inside you will glow. You will be pretty, just the way you are. You will love the tone your skin, the thickness of your hair, the type of your body, the size of your foot, the depth of your voice, you will love how your teeth show when you smile or laugh. I know this might sounds hard, believe me, I've been there, but trust me, you worth so much more than what other people think of you. Mommy is trying to tell you that "fair skin", "thigh gap", "hour glass figure", or "thick wavy hair"is not the only definition of beauty. You, being yourself, is beautiful. And I love you in any matter. 

Your mommy kinda has a dream of her own, like; keeping your hair very long when you're still a toddler so that you can rock all kind of hair styles you like while going out because before so long, you will start rocking those hijabs, according to syariah insyaAllah and I will say to myself "My princess is all grown up." I also would love it if you feel like learning to play musical instruments be it guitar or piano or both, I have no objection on that. It excites me though, as I had no chance learning those while I was a kid.

Or if you like to keep your hair short, or rather learn to swim than do musics, you can always tell me. I will always support you in whatever you do, as long as it brings no harm, I'll be you number one cheer leader. You can always choose your interest, or what you want to do when you grow up big enough to live on your own- what you wanna do for living, be it science or art, do whatever makes you happy. 

Just, remember, life ain't always sunshine. It's gonna rain, even with thunderstorm sometimes, but the moment you see those rainbows, nothing else matter; you just know, that day is your day.

Just, remember, when nothing works out, Mommy is always here. Daddy is always here. And Allah is always here. You are always welcomed home, I'll bake your favorite cookie, and we'll be having warm honey lemon tea at the balcony, figuring out life.

Till then, assalamualaikum.

P/s : Don't forget to oftenly wear that smile, you look gorgeous in it. :)

Lots and lots of overflowing love,

Your Mom

April 2nd 2014

Galway, Ireland

This is Auntie Jasmin and Mommy, we both believe that olives and good friends fix almost everything. Shot by Auntie Salihah, another strong lovely lady I'm thankful to be acquainted with. :)

Grow Up?

Let's not fuss over small things, shall we? Whenever you're feeling blue, remember that you have thousands more reasons to be happy.

You're after all, twenty two. :')

nowplaying GLEE - What Doesn't Kill You (Stronger)

'Cause Baby You're a Firework.

I've always wanted to be that one kind of girl who teaches her little sister how to put her make up on, or how to style her tudung, or how to match her plain dress with a printed shawl. 

I've always wanted to be a girl who teaches her little sister how to deal with annoying boys in class, or how to survive high school. 

I've always wanted to be that kind of girl who wants to teach her little sister that life is all about rain, sunshine, and rainbow, who tells her that it is okay to cry over crappy things but never cry twice,  who tells her "Don't worry missy, I got your back.", who protects her.

They said "You can always choose your friends but you can never choose your family." But if I can ever choose my family, I'll stick with them, I'll never replace them. My little sister, she is my best bestest bestfriend. She teaches me the meaning of life more than I did her (betul ke ayat ni?). She's the bravest person to say "He doesn't seem nice. Kak Long, I don't like you going out with him." or that sort of things to my face. She is my everything and I can't imagine my life without her.

Happy Twentieth baby sister. You're always a baby to me. I love you so much. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Zauj Dari Poland?

Che Ti : Haha, hang nak menikah dak?
Haha   : Hahh? Awat random sangat tanya soalan ni?
Che Ti : Hang ada calon dak lagi?
Haha    : Hang ni la Che Ti, bagilah aku lepaih grad dulu. Gheja dulu.

Dua jam kemudian....

Che Ti : Hang ingat lagi dak soalan aku tadi?
Haha    : Hat mana satu?
Che Ti : Hang tau dak, tadi tiba-tiba ada kawan aku bagi message kat FB tanya "kawan hang ada yang tengah cari zauj dak?" Aku rasa untuk hang ok ni. Boleh kot ni Haha.
Haha   : Errkkkk? *tak terkata*
Che Ti : Orang Poland. Polish. Muslim. Nak dak? Best ni. Mat saleh kot.
Haha    : Ambik kat hang la.
Che Ti : Tak mau la. Sat lagi mengamuk pak aku kalau aku nak menikah orang Poland.
Haha    : Abih tu hang ingat pak aku tak mengamuk?
Che Ti : Haha, hang nak zauj?
Haha    : Ya Allah Che Tiiiiiiiiii. Aku tak mau menikah lagi laaaaaaaa.

Dan Che Ti pun ketawa terbahak-bahak. Pastu bukak cerita koteow tomyam.



Aku tak paham la kenapa Che Ti ni suka suruh aku kahwin cepat-cepat. Tiap kali jumpa mesti suruh aku kahwin. Lawak la Che Ti ni. Masalahnya aku rasa macam baru semalam aku habis SPM so mana boleh nak ber-zauj-zauj lagi. Haha.

Baling Ke Belakang Sikit

Tengok pose pun dah tau ni gambar zaman Friendster. Hahahh. 2006. Tingkatan 2 SMKS18 Shah Alam. Tahun paling berjaya sebab masuk kawad kaki sampai peringkat negeri, perform masa Hari Pahlawan kat SUK dengan polis veteran, so on so forth. 

Rindu geng kawad kaki. Rindu practice hari2 berbulan-bulan tak kira siang malam, budak asrama semuanya so memang makan tidur pun berkawad lol. Hidup Ustazah Khadijah! (tetibe) 

 Punya lah passionate dengan kawad kaki sampai join Kadet Polis lepas pindah Intesaber semata-mata nak masuk kawad ;D. Tapi ni satu-satunya gambar pakai baju kawad Puteri Islam yang ada dalam simpanan sbb masa tu pakai handphone nokia baling anjing takde camera. Ni snap dengan Eton bawah khemah Hari Koko pakai handphone nokia sabun Hanisah Inani. Bestie selfie teehee.

How time flies. I miss high school! Bittersweet. :')

now playing Daughtry - Waiting For Superman

Ich Liebe Dich

There. I've said it. *sembunyi dalam duvet taknak keluar dah* :P ♥♥♥

Haha. People around me knows how I NEVER SAID those three words to ANYBODY.

Like when
My girls : I love you Hanishafizahhahatomatoblast
Me : iDly, which means "I don't love you"
My girls : I know it actually means "I DO love you". Hahaaa
They know I actually love them to bits!

Or when
My girls : I love you so much it hurts!
Me : You know I don't love you.
My girls : I know you love me too much you won't admit cause it hurts you too!
They know me so well. :')

Would you rather have somebody says they love you but never shows or somebody shows they love you but never says so?

A sad truth, I am the latter. I SHOW how much I love people, but I've never say it with words. God knows how the people around mean WORLD to me. I guess it is the same case as when I'm upset with my friends/loves, I cried instead of telling them I'm mad at them. And, I'm soooo not good with words. I don't (just) say, I show.

I'm a 'hugs' kind of person. ^.^

Deeply, I know. This doesn't make anything better pon. "Maybe you can start learning to say you love them. It is good for them to know that you love them as much as they love you." Aima's words hit me. I guess she's right.

To love someone, is a gift.

Please don't take this bad way but I want to say my love to people when I really mean it. Not because I think I need to say it for the sake of courtesy. You know what I mean? But to come and think of it, I actually DO love them. So what is the problem, Hanis Hafizah? I'm just to shy to admit. Yes. I indeed need to learn to be expressive with words. I've felt so much love. I think it's time for me to give them mine. :)

Once I said it to my sis
Me : I love you Alin
Alin : Haha. Kak Long dah kenapa? I can smell something fishy.
Me : ....
Alin : Haha. I love you too Kak Long btw.

Errr, I guess it was good, for a start? Heee.

I rarely say I LOVE YOU even to my family but God knows how I cannot live without them.

Tell me, am I ........ selfish? :(






p/s: If this is a pregnancy I would say "The 'first trimester' passed, unknowingly." Thank You.
       much love, Hanis Hafizah ♥

OLJ Part 1 : Dublin - Munich - Salzburg

OLJ (Our Little Jaulah) is actually a series of travel note I jotted down in my little pink travel book during our winter trip to Austria and Germany, transferred into blog posts form.

Day 1  (Actually rambled on 18 December 2013)

now playing : Opick - Dealova

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

What can i say? It was quite a day today. Now it is exactly 08:45pm and everybody already drifted into the dreamland. Except for me. Oh actually I had a (power) nap before so that I can stay awake to plan the Salzburg trip for these few days coming.

My so called trip planning on the bed *wink*. Each bed has personal lamp, it comes very handy in a shared room so you don't have to kacau orang lain tido with a bright room light.

 Oh, silly me. Aneh Apijah, introduction mana? Tak bagi salam terus masuk rumah orang tumpang toilet. *metafora tetibe*

As the title suggests, this is our little jaulah. (bagi nama jaulah la, islamic sikit ecchehh).

As early as it an gets, our day starts at 01:15am when we took a cab to the New Galway Coach Station, hopped onto a shuttle bus to the Dublin International Airport, meet up with Afiqah from Cork, checked in, bumped into the Galway boys (Hazel boys and the gang) who turned out having a same flight with us four (Nisa, Nadiah, Afiqah, and I) to Munich, Germany; yada yada, early spicy pasta breakfast yada yada off we got onto the plane. It was around 07:15am when the flight took off. So we pretty much didn't really sleep that night (or morning?).

I think I did a pretty well job on packing my cabin (and only) luggage. Kali ni dah tak payah minta tolong Ayah via Skype dah. Imma grown up now! :P

Pengalaman solat Subuh and watching sunrise afterwards. Subhanallah. :')

Good morning Munich. Alhamdulillah selalu dapat seat tepi tingkap. Boleh berangan lari-lari atas Negara Awan selalu. Doraemon sangat. ;)

And of course, adventure usually starts as soon as possible. Eewah, adventure ke? But seriously, macam-macam dugaan datang. Nasib baik kami chillax aje hehe. I will tell more by the end of this entry okayss lovelies? =)

We arrived a Munich Airport around twenty to eleven then immediately bought Germay Railway Passes which cost us each 196 Euros and the pass can be used "unlimited-ly" for six days in one month. Valid in all over Germany and neighboring countries, as for our case, Salzburg, Austria.....which marks our first vacation-adventure location ehehs.

Waiting for our Munich-Salzburg train and I'm holding my phone (gotta appreciate the free airport wifi while it is still available!).

Loving our coach. Very Harry-Potter-Hogwarts-Express-like.

By 04:30pm dan dan masuk Maghrib we safely arrived at the hostel and checked in, then we prepared to solat, bersihkan diri and all, terus terbongkang semua. Haha. Penat semuanya. Makan pun tak proper, we relied on bananas and breads and chocolates to alas perut, and oh, spicy pasta untuk early breakfast tadi pun ada lagi, survive sampai the next day nampak gayanya insyaAllah. :)

A few highlights of the day:

1) There were two boys in the flight, the pissed everybody off, like literally every person in the plane, from the stewards to the other passengers. It was a total discomfort-ness throughout the journey; they were so loud, like they were high or drunk or something, even little children behaved better. *sigh*

Those boys were too noisy we couldn't sleep we posed for the camera instead. Heheh.

2) Our first experience on the regional train was kinda shitty. Haha. Nobody spoke English to top it off; so we ended up confused and depressed, as all the announcements were not in English, we don't know whether it was our station next or whatsoever and we cannot ask people around. There were a few kind people however, who tried their best to use their minimum knowledge in the language, which did help us a lot, but there were also quite a number of people who doesn't even try to help - it was annoying.

Despite the hardship, we were blessed with a wonderful view Alhamdulillah. My very first time seeing snowy alps! (They should clean the window I guess.)

3) In Salzburg (or as they pronounced it "Zalzburgg" qolqolah sikit Q tu) nobody speaks English except the ones in the information center. The people were really nice though, despite the language barrier, which is something good, kan? :)

Those are actually cables for trams in Salzburg. Kinda cool, huh? :)

4) Dankee (I'm not sure with the spellings but it means "Thanks") 

Ausgang = Exit

Eingang = Entrance

Basic local store shopping knowledge hehe.

5) The nice receptionist boy named Christopher (which apparently is also the barista) accidentally gave us a key to an all boys room. We went into the room (we booked a shared female dorm in a hostel) trusting it was ours, providing it has four empty-untouched beds in the room (and there was no one inside). Our first thought was "The room smells like guys". And we found a few 'evidences' that we ummmmmm pretty sure belong to a man, and oooopps, we better wait outside. Our 'actual' room was actually two doors away. Wrong key, wrong room number. Haha! What an experience. -.-'

Zotter Trinkschokolade. If you've seen my video on Instagram, these are the choice of chocolate bar flavors available for my hot chocolate. Christopher was being very nice to patiently translate 'em all to us.

6) Afiqah woke me up from a nap, just to hear me calling her "Uswah". Hahaha. Yup. You better not seeing me when I'm mamai. Budak paling teruk mamai, yang inilah, Hanis Hafizah yang inilah. Hahaha.

7) Nisa slept after Isya' and woke up after a few hours; asked about the time. It was 08.30pm. And she asked again, "Kita nak keluar pukul berapa?". Everybody has blurred face on. Then Nisa came to her sense, "Jap, 08:30 pagi ke malam ni?!" Hahaha. Yup, 08:30 in the morning is still dark back in Galway.

8) There are LOADS of choice of mineral water in store and for such a cheap price, but of course, nobody cares to help this not so little tourist understanding what written on the bottle so I ended up buying sparkling mineral water. The only good news is, it costs only 22 cents! Woohoo! Yup you read me right. ;)

Our tired faces. Waiting for our last transport of the day to the hostel. Cool gila ada bench tempat sandar beg ni, at least you don't have to stand hurting your shoulder carrying your bag after a looooong day! Genius siapa cipta benda ni.

That's it for now. What a day right? Hahaha. Should go to sleep now. A long and great day (hopefully) awaits tomorrow. Wassalam. 

now playing Radiohead - Creep

Girls We Just Wanna Have Fun

My girls from Cork are here! (And Nana Loly too!) And as always, they bring sunshine and laughter together all the way from wherever they came from. And I just wanna cherish this moment. Enjoying every second of their presence. All eleven of us cramped our butts in the Ardroe House but who cares? We just love to cuddle. Teehee. Gonna miss them real soon, big time. :')