All Those Shower Thoughts

I don't know about you, but most of my wisest (at least I thought they were wise) decisions and thoughts were made while I showered.

The one most popular topic while I showered every morning before going to class is "Outfit of The Day". Yes, I know. Truly a girl I am, blablabla. All those make up slash fashionista gurus out there that you may found in Youtube will usually suggest you plan your outfit the night before so that you don't have to rush the next morning. But it doesn't quite work with me. Okay, perhaps it works sometimes, especially when I have something REALLY big coming up, like hari raya or formal dinners sort of things, yeah, but with everyday class outfit, maybe not.

To my surprise (or maybe you are surprised too), sometimes I also thought about bigger things. Like

1. Where am I in ten years time? Will I be married and have kids, or still single?
2. Is it rational for me to have pets?
3. Will I make it to the last of my study and become a doctor one day?
4. If I didn't pick medicine, where would I be now?
5. Is it normal to gaze at the sky and be mesmerized with it, every time I looked up?
6. Why does rainbow makes people happy?
7. Why are people being so kind to me? I am not really kind anyway.
8. Do people always feel satisfaction during charity deeds, like I felt? Or it only hits certain people?
9. I love kids too much. What will happen if nauzubillah I couldn't have kids of my own?
10. Will I die young or will I live till my nineties? Will my death be sudden or because of a disease?
11. What are people thinking of me when they first saw me, and when they saw me like, for a year?
12. How does it feels like to have a brother?
13. Will I achieve my dream to travel the world?
14. Will I achieve my dream to settle down and live in a farm with my beloved ones till death do us apart, doing nothing but good deeds to people around and charity and serve the community, doing nothing but everything that makes me happy?
15. Can I sing really well?
16. How long more does it takes for me to be a good guitar player?
17. When will I finish reading all those books I bought? Or they will just end up in the library I build in my dream house?

I have so many thoughts inside me, but right now I couldn't think of a proper outro.

A Letter to My Future Daughter

now playing Sara Bareilles - Love Song

Bismillah.

Assalamualaikum my little princess. Ummm how do I write this? There's no occasion, really. I just suddenly feel like writing to you, although, you are not here, yet. But just so you know, I already fall in love with you. No, I'm not yet married, darling, and no, I'm not expecting (as in pregnant) a child right at this moment, but I do expect to have children in future, insyaAllah.

Sorry it gets a little awkward. This is my first time 'trying' to talk to my child actually (I don't have any experience on how it's like to have my own baby), so pardon me *wink*. And baby girl, your mother is an awkward-er, so, ummm hope you can deal with that.

Sayang, as for today, I have picked either Lilah or Sarah to be your name. Lilah, pronounced "Lai-la" simply means "night", while Sara means "princess". It is also the name of the wife of Prophet Ibrahim. These are two of my favorite names, I actually like simple names, and we'll leave this at here for this moment, as I need to discuss it with your father first, on which name will be yours, and would you have a middle name, we don't know that yet. 

And oh, speaking about your father....at this moment, I haven't met him yet. Really? I don' know. I mean, the only moment I can be sure that he is your father is when I'm married to him and bearing his child, do you get me? Sooooooo, right now, let's stick with "Only-Allah-knows-who'll-be-your-father". Alright alright I know I confused you so to make things clear; I'm writing this letter as a bachelorette. Ummmm maybe I have met your father. Maybe he was in my class, maybe I saw him in college, maybe we talked on the net. Or maybe we haven't encounter each other yet. Okay, time will comes for that, let's leave everything according to Allah's plan, shall we? :)

Alright, next thing. What should you call me? Few years back, I really love to be called "Bonda". Yeah I know, classic. UN-realistically classic. Haha. Maybe not "Mak". I call you grandmother "Mak". "Ibu" sounds cute, tho. "Mama" is not bad either. "Ummi", or "Mommy"? Right at this moment, I love these two the most. You can call me "Mi" for short. Isn't it cute? "Mi, I wanna eat bananas. Mi, I couldn't sleep. Mi, please hug me I'm scared."

I, will always hug you honey. When you're scared, or when you're sad. When you're utterly happy, or when you're just feeling restless in the heart. Your momma is a cuddly, huggable kind of girl, so you don't have to worry. I will hug you still, even if you feel like you don't need it anymore. These arms will always be your home. 

InsyaAllah, growing up, you will be the cutest girl. On the inside, as well as on the outside. You don't have to look like the society's "standardized" definition of pretty. You will have such a beautiful heart and the beauty inside you will glow. You will be pretty, just the way you are. You will love the tone your skin, the thickness of your hair, the type of your body, the size of your foot, the depth of your voice, you will love how your teeth show when you smile or laugh. I know this might sounds hard, believe me, I've been there, but trust me, you worth so much more than what other people think of you. Mommy is trying to tell you that "fair skin", "thigh gap", "hour glass figure", or "thick wavy hair"is not the only definition of beauty. You, being yourself, is beautiful. And I love you in any matter. 

Your mommy kinda has a dream of her own, like; keeping your hair very long when you're still a toddler so that you can rock all kind of hair styles you like while going out because before so long, you will start rocking those hijabs, according to syariah insyaAllah and I will say to myself "My princess is all grown up." I also would love it if you feel like learning to play musical instruments be it guitar or piano or both, I have no objection on that. It excites me though, as I had no chance learning those while I was a kid.

Or if you like to keep your hair short, or rather learn to swim than do musics, you can always tell me. I will always support you in whatever you do, as long as it brings no harm, I'll be you number one cheer leader. You can always choose your interest, or what you want to do when you grow up big enough to live on your own- what you wanna do for living, be it science or art, do whatever makes you happy. 

Just, remember, life ain't always sunshine. It's gonna rain, even with thunderstorm sometimes, but the moment you see those rainbows, nothing else matter; you just know, that day is your day.

Just, remember, when nothing works out, Mommy is always here. Daddy is always here. And Allah is always here. You are always welcomed home, I'll bake your favorite cookie, and we'll be having warm honey lemon tea at the balcony, figuring out life.

Till then, assalamualaikum.

P/s : Don't forget to oftenly wear that smile, you look gorgeous in it. :)

Lots and lots of overflowing love,

Your Mom

April 2nd 2014

Galway, Ireland

This is Auntie Jasmin and Mommy, we both believe that olives and good friends fix almost everything. Shot by Auntie Salihah, another strong lovely lady I'm thankful to be acquainted with. :)

Poetry Feels

now playing Plain White T's - Hey There Delilah

A few weeks ago I stumbled across this one video on Youtube called "When Love Arrives".

 

It is a poem about the expectations and realities in love. And as cheesy as it might sounds, I am falling in love with this poem and of course, being a typical kid from Y generations, I started 'researching' (or more like 'Google-ing') the poets ; Sarah Kay and Phil Kaye. And Sarah became one of my favorites just in a matter of second.

 

Love arrives exactly when love is supposed to,
And love leaves exactly when love must.
When love arrives, say, “Welcome. Make yourself comfortable.”
If love leaves, ask her to leave the door open behind her.
Turn off the music, listen to the quiet, whisper,
“Thank you for stopping by.”

You know how I love poetry (previously I am obsessed with Lang Leav, still am tho, and her new book is coming!) and Sarah Kay's works are magnificent! This is another one of my favorites. :)

Love Letter from Toothbrush to Bicycle Tire

They told me that I was meant for the cleaner life, that you would drag me through the mud. They said that you would tread all over me, that they could see right through you, that you were full of hot air, that I would always be chasing, always watching you disappear after sleeker models, that it would be a vicious cycle.

But I know better. I know about your rough edges and I have seen your perfect curves, and I will fit into any spaces you let me. If loving you means getting dirty, bring on the grime, I will leave this porcelain home behind. I’m used to twice a day relationships, but with you, I’ll take all the time. And I know, we live in different world and we’re always really busy.

But in my dreams, you spin around me so fast I always wake up dizzy. So maybe one day you’ll grow tired of the road and roll on back to me. And when I blink my eyes into the morning, your smile will be the only thing I see.

I'm so buying her books!

Grow Up?

Let's not fuss over small things, shall we? Whenever you're feeling blue, remember that you have thousands more reasons to be happy.

You're after all, twenty two. :')

nowplaying GLEE - What Doesn't Kill You (Stronger)

'Cause Baby You're a Firework.

I've always wanted to be that one kind of girl who teaches her little sister how to put her make up on, or how to style her tudung, or how to match her plain dress with a printed shawl. 

I've always wanted to be a girl who teaches her little sister how to deal with annoying boys in class, or how to survive high school. 

I've always wanted to be that kind of girl who wants to teach her little sister that life is all about rain, sunshine, and rainbow, who tells her that it is okay to cry over crappy things but never cry twice,  who tells her "Don't worry missy, I got your back.", who protects her.

They said "You can always choose your friends but you can never choose your family." But if I can ever choose my family, I'll stick with them, I'll never replace them. My little sister, she is my best bestest bestfriend. She teaches me the meaning of life more than I did her (betul ke ayat ni?). She's the bravest person to say "He doesn't seem nice. Kak Long, I don't like you going out with him." or that sort of things to my face. She is my everything and I can't imagine my life without her.

Happy Twentieth baby sister. You're always a baby to me. I love you so much. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Sweater and Tea, You and Me.

"Okay, for this MMR shot, it does cause several side effects, you might have some headache or feel slight feverish. But the most important of all is that you're not pregnant while receiving this and you must must must not be pregnant for this following three to six weeks."

"Alright. Perfect. No problem. I can deal with that."

"No, I am perfectly serious." *looking straight into my eyes*

"So do I."

"Can you assure me that you'll not and never trying to get pregnant in these two months time?"


How do I say this, what if, I tell her, that I am not yet married and I don't do premarital sex? ;)
As I get to know more people, I also get to know there are huge gap in cultures and whatnots between me and the strangers but somehow I feel glad about that. At least I can always learn something new rather than just stick to one old agreement, one old perception. You know, get my neurons working, hear and listen more, choose to agree or disagree, things like that.


However, that's that and now I'm living the side effect. Heee. Not the major ones Alhamdulillah for that. I just feel lightheaded and it forces me to lay down on bed all day long. To top it up, today is perfectly sunny, with twelve degree Celsius of temperature outside. Oh how I wish I can just go out and play.

 

Instead, I tucked myself in the duvet, having my dose of Pride and Prejudice, and enjoying the sun that shines through my mighty window. Not so bad after all. Although, I much rather prefer being outside, at Claddagh, or at Menlo Castle perhaps. Oh not to be forgotten, my tea. People who know me should have known how much I love tea, how am I a tea person, and how do I drink my tea.

A not so cold day, the sun shines so brightly,me in my comfiest knit-sweater, a generous mug of tea. They make a perfect combo don't you think? 

Tea, is indeed, a hug in a mug. :)

"You must know... surely, you must know it was all for you. You are too generous to trifle with me. I believe you spoke with my aunt last night, and it has taught me to hope as I'd scarcely allowed myself before. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes have not changed, but one word from you will silence me forever. If, however, your feelings have changed, I will have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on."

                                                                                        -Mr. Darcy, Pride and Prejudice-

Mr. Darcy: How are you this evening, my dear?
 
Elizabeth Bennet: Very well... although I wish you would not call me "my dear."
 
Mr. Darcy: [chuckles] Why?
 
Elizabeth Bennet: Because it's what my father always calls my mother when he's cross about something.
 
Mr. Darcy: What endearments am I allowed?
 
Elizabeth Bennet: Well let me think..."Lizzy" for every day, "My Pearl" for Sundays, and..."Goddess Divine"... but only on *very* special occasions.
 
Mr. Darcy: And... what should I call you when I am cross? Mrs. Darcy...?
 
Elizabeth Bennet: No! No. You may only call me "Mrs. Darcy"... when you are completely, and perfectly, and incandescently happy.
 
Mr. Darcy: [he snickers] Then how are you this evening... Mrs. Darcy?
[kisses her on the forehead]
 
Mr. Darcy: Mrs. Darcy...

Oh how am I such a girl, such hopeless romantic. Now now now, can have a Mr Darcy of my own please? ;)

#PrayForMH370

March 8 2014, morning. You know, one thing that is good about Twitter is it tells you what actually is happening in your "tweeps neighborhood". So when suddenly I received a notification saying everybody I know on twitter is talking about one same particular matter, I knew at once, something bad, worse, a tragic incident is happening. The same case occurred masa I dapat berita pasal arwah hari tu. Sebab tiba-tiba semua orang RT tweet Safwan (kalau tak silap) bagitau pasal berita pemergian arwah Azem. That's why, yesterday morning I was somehow, traumatized.

Turned out, a Malaysian Airlines' flight MH370 was reported missing, tak dapat dikesan, langsung. And what breaks my heart is the pictures of family members who're patiently waiting for the news, you know deep down inside they're chanting prayers non stop. It is tough enough to hold back tears, because you know once you're bursting out, you could never stop crying. And what is more heartbreaking rather than seeing a mother crying, a daughter crying, a brother crying, a husband crying, waiting for their loved ones, hoping for their loved ones to be back home, safe and soundly?

I think the hardest part is "not knowing" ; ditinggalkan dalam tanda tanya. Apa yang terjadi? Hidupkah? Matikah? Di daratkah? Di lautkah? Makan kah? Cukup minum kah? Kesejukan kah?

A few days ago I went to a talk from Brother Nouman Ali Khan in Manchester. Satu point yang terkesan dalam hati ialah "Anything, everything, is possible with Allah's will. Against all odds, everything could happen." This kind of incident could be happening to any flight, any airlines, anybody, any time. It could be happening to somebody's father today. It also can be happening to yours any time. Wallahu'alam. Indeed He is the most powerful. Indeed He knows what we don't know. Indeed we can always plan but He is always always always the best planner.

Suddenly it hits me, what if it happens to me? What if something bad happens to me before I have the chance to tell my loved ones how much I love them, how much they meant the world to me? I always know that I didn't say "I LOVE YOU" enough to anybody, be it my family members, or my special friends. I always say to myself "Taknak lah cakap, malu." or "They'll know eventhough I don't say it, I showed enough sign." or "I'll just say it tomorrow. They surely can wait.". Yes. SURELY. As if I am sure that there will be tomorrow, or I'm still alive tomorrow. It hits me. I don't cherish people. I don't cherish the moment. I, Hanis Hafizah, take things for granted. It hits me. Hard. Astaghfirullah!

Enough with the rant. Let's just pray for the crews and passengers' safety for now. InsyaAllah tembakan doa diberikan oleh seluruh rakyat Malaysia walau di mana kami berada. Majlis-majlis solat hajat di seluruh negara. Everybody is now uniting, tak kira bangsa, agama, negara, atau fahaman politik.

To everybody on the aircraft, we're here patiently waiting for you guys. Where ever you are, please be safe, have your jacket on, don't stay in cold, please do eat, you have to keep energized, please keep have faith, and don't lose hope. We here will keep praying insyaAllah and hoping for a miracle, because anything could happen against all odds. Please, come back and give your loved ones a warm hug.

And to those who are desperately trying to be popular, making countless of shameless speculations and fake news, making bad jokes and being insensitive regarding this matter, SHAME ON YOU.


live streaming Astro Awani here

Back on my flight from Dublin to Germany during winter break

Ich Liebe Dich

There. I've said it. *sembunyi dalam duvet taknak keluar dah* :P ♥♥♥

Haha. People around me knows how I NEVER SAID those three words to ANYBODY.

Like when
My girls : I love you Hanishafizahhahatomatoblast
Me : iDly, which means "I don't love you"
My girls : I know it actually means "I DO love you". Hahaaa
They know I actually love them to bits!

Or when
My girls : I love you so much it hurts!
Me : You know I don't love you.
My girls : I know you love me too much you won't admit cause it hurts you too!
They know me so well. :')

Would you rather have somebody says they love you but never shows or somebody shows they love you but never says so?

A sad truth, I am the latter. I SHOW how much I love people, but I've never say it with words. God knows how the people around mean WORLD to me. I guess it is the same case as when I'm upset with my friends/loves, I cried instead of telling them I'm mad at them. And, I'm soooo not good with words. I don't (just) say, I show.

I'm a 'hugs' kind of person. ^.^

Deeply, I know. This doesn't make anything better pon. "Maybe you can start learning to say you love them. It is good for them to know that you love them as much as they love you." Aima's words hit me. I guess she's right.

To love someone, is a gift.

Please don't take this bad way but I want to say my love to people when I really mean it. Not because I think I need to say it for the sake of courtesy. You know what I mean? But to come and think of it, I actually DO love them. So what is the problem, Hanis Hafizah? I'm just to shy to admit. Yes. I indeed need to learn to be expressive with words. I've felt so much love. I think it's time for me to give them mine. :)

Once I said it to my sis
Me : I love you Alin
Alin : Haha. Kak Long dah kenapa? I can smell something fishy.
Me : ....
Alin : Haha. I love you too Kak Long btw.

Errr, I guess it was good, for a start? Heee.

I rarely say I LOVE YOU even to my family but God knows how I cannot live without them.

Tell me, am I ........ selfish? :(






p/s: If this is a pregnancy I would say "The 'first trimester' passed, unknowingly." Thank You.
       much love, Hanis Hafizah ♥

I'm A Woman And I'm Being One

 

People say women are complicated. It is true, I must say. I can't even understand myself, sometimes (referring to previous posts LOL). Haha. I just got back from Castlebar, stay rumah final meds for two nights. Godek-godek book shelf Kak Amal (she has A LOT of books yayy. Haha.) and I stumbled upon this book; "Why Men Marry Bitches". Hmmm interesting! I've heard about it before so it must be quite popular hehe. 

Read a few pages and then I said to myself "Must find this book someday kat mana-mana charity shop". Oh sekarang suka beli buku kat charity shop sebab

1) Obviously murah sangat. I can get any book I want (if I am lucky enough) from as low as 1 Euro (equals to MYR 4.33, yes I googled it)

2) Although the books are not new, sometimes I love an old version of a book, maybe a 1950 copy. It smells so good and nostalgic. :)

3) I believe that every books has their own 'story'. Not the story it tells but the story it holds. Once I bought a book that was read by a lady who has been bedridden for months due to an illness, so she spent all her time in hospital reading that book. It is interesting, don't you think? :)

Okay okay back to the picture. So I've been wanting to read this book. But it does not necessarily means that I'm being one, right? You know, bitches. Haha. Honestly I don't want to be a bitch, I mean, nobody does, am I right? :) I've heard that this book teaches women to be maybe a bit 'arrogant' (not in a bad way lah), play hard to get, not being passive and 'easy' to guys, stuffs like those. Maybe. I don't know. Guess I have to read it first to review. :)

So, are women complicated? Hlovate once quoted

"There is something far more complicated that E = mc2. It is called emotion."

True. I would like to rephrase. Emotional women are complicated. Women are already complicated in their normal form. Tapi mungkin dah fitrah, perempuan ni jenis yang banyak fikir, banyak risau, banyak tekanan. Guys will be like "Ek eleh, relax lah.". Maybe you guys can try being in our shoes (or stilettos :P). So a woman who is emotional is far more complicated. Guys, beware and be ready. Haha.

Ehem. So I've been acting like a woman A LOT lately (oh wait, I really am a woman haha). Sorry if I ever annoyed you with my "ladylike-acts-and-qualities". I am just being a woman. Sorry that I am not sorry. ;)

Love, Hanis Hafizah

You Are Loved

You are actually loved.

Somewhere in this world, there must be, must be, somebody who loves you endlessly, unconditionally, who loves you in any matter. Who will love you regardless of your grade, your look, or your weight. Who loves you the way you are. There must be somebody. It can be your parents, your friends, or somebody who can see the world in your eyes.

It is either they love you with you knowing, or without.

Just, keep on believing. There must be somebody. They are special. Cherish them.
And you are special to them. You are loved.

Calton Hill, Edinburgh. Winter2012

#nowplaying Everybody by Ingrid Michaelson