Sweater and Tea, You and Me.

"Okay, for this MMR shot, it does cause several side effects, you might have some headache or feel slight feverish. But the most important of all is that you're not pregnant while receiving this and you must must must not be pregnant for this following three to six weeks."

"Alright. Perfect. No problem. I can deal with that."

"No, I am perfectly serious." *looking straight into my eyes*

"So do I."

"Can you assure me that you'll not and never trying to get pregnant in these two months time?"


How do I say this, what if, I tell her, that I am not yet married and I don't do premarital sex? ;)
As I get to know more people, I also get to know there are huge gap in cultures and whatnots between me and the strangers but somehow I feel glad about that. At least I can always learn something new rather than just stick to one old agreement, one old perception. You know, get my neurons working, hear and listen more, choose to agree or disagree, things like that.


However, that's that and now I'm living the side effect. Heee. Not the major ones Alhamdulillah for that. I just feel lightheaded and it forces me to lay down on bed all day long. To top it up, today is perfectly sunny, with twelve degree Celsius of temperature outside. Oh how I wish I can just go out and play.

 

Instead, I tucked myself in the duvet, having my dose of Pride and Prejudice, and enjoying the sun that shines through my mighty window. Not so bad after all. Although, I much rather prefer being outside, at Claddagh, or at Menlo Castle perhaps. Oh not to be forgotten, my tea. People who know me should have known how much I love tea, how am I a tea person, and how do I drink my tea.

A not so cold day, the sun shines so brightly,me in my comfiest knit-sweater, a generous mug of tea. They make a perfect combo don't you think? 

Tea, is indeed, a hug in a mug. :)

"You must know... surely, you must know it was all for you. You are too generous to trifle with me. I believe you spoke with my aunt last night, and it has taught me to hope as I'd scarcely allowed myself before. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes have not changed, but one word from you will silence me forever. If, however, your feelings have changed, I will have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on."

                                                                                        -Mr. Darcy, Pride and Prejudice-

Mr. Darcy: How are you this evening, my dear?
 
Elizabeth Bennet: Very well... although I wish you would not call me "my dear."
 
Mr. Darcy: [chuckles] Why?
 
Elizabeth Bennet: Because it's what my father always calls my mother when he's cross about something.
 
Mr. Darcy: What endearments am I allowed?
 
Elizabeth Bennet: Well let me think..."Lizzy" for every day, "My Pearl" for Sundays, and..."Goddess Divine"... but only on *very* special occasions.
 
Mr. Darcy: And... what should I call you when I am cross? Mrs. Darcy...?
 
Elizabeth Bennet: No! No. You may only call me "Mrs. Darcy"... when you are completely, and perfectly, and incandescently happy.
 
Mr. Darcy: [he snickers] Then how are you this evening... Mrs. Darcy?
[kisses her on the forehead]
 
Mr. Darcy: Mrs. Darcy...

Oh how am I such a girl, such hopeless romantic. Now now now, can have a Mr Darcy of my own please? ;)

Zauj Dari Poland?

Che Ti : Haha, hang nak menikah dak?
Haha   : Hahh? Awat random sangat tanya soalan ni?
Che Ti : Hang ada calon dak lagi?
Haha    : Hang ni la Che Ti, bagilah aku lepaih grad dulu. Gheja dulu.

Dua jam kemudian....

Che Ti : Hang ingat lagi dak soalan aku tadi?
Haha    : Hat mana satu?
Che Ti : Hang tau dak, tadi tiba-tiba ada kawan aku bagi message kat FB tanya "kawan hang ada yang tengah cari zauj dak?" Aku rasa untuk hang ok ni. Boleh kot ni Haha.
Haha   : Errkkkk? *tak terkata*
Che Ti : Orang Poland. Polish. Muslim. Nak dak? Best ni. Mat saleh kot.
Haha    : Ambik kat hang la.
Che Ti : Tak mau la. Sat lagi mengamuk pak aku kalau aku nak menikah orang Poland.
Haha    : Abih tu hang ingat pak aku tak mengamuk?
Che Ti : Haha, hang nak zauj?
Haha    : Ya Allah Che Tiiiiiiiiii. Aku tak mau menikah lagi laaaaaaaa.

Dan Che Ti pun ketawa terbahak-bahak. Pastu bukak cerita koteow tomyam.



Aku tak paham la kenapa Che Ti ni suka suruh aku kahwin cepat-cepat. Tiap kali jumpa mesti suruh aku kahwin. Lawak la Che Ti ni. Masalahnya aku rasa macam baru semalam aku habis SPM so mana boleh nak ber-zauj-zauj lagi. Haha.

Baling Ke Belakang Sikit

Tengok pose pun dah tau ni gambar zaman Friendster. Hahahh. 2006. Tingkatan 2 SMKS18 Shah Alam. Tahun paling berjaya sebab masuk kawad kaki sampai peringkat negeri, perform masa Hari Pahlawan kat SUK dengan polis veteran, so on so forth. 

Rindu geng kawad kaki. Rindu practice hari2 berbulan-bulan tak kira siang malam, budak asrama semuanya so memang makan tidur pun berkawad lol. Hidup Ustazah Khadijah! (tetibe) 

 Punya lah passionate dengan kawad kaki sampai join Kadet Polis lepas pindah Intesaber semata-mata nak masuk kawad ;D. Tapi ni satu-satunya gambar pakai baju kawad Puteri Islam yang ada dalam simpanan sbb masa tu pakai handphone nokia baling anjing takde camera. Ni snap dengan Eton bawah khemah Hari Koko pakai handphone nokia sabun Hanisah Inani. Bestie selfie teehee.

How time flies. I miss high school! Bittersweet. :')

now playing Daughtry - Waiting For Superman

Ich Liebe Dich

There. I've said it. *sembunyi dalam duvet taknak keluar dah* :P ♥♥♥

Haha. People around me knows how I NEVER SAID those three words to ANYBODY.

Like when
My girls : I love you Hanishafizahhahatomatoblast
Me : iDly, which means "I don't love you"
My girls : I know it actually means "I DO love you". Hahaaa
They know I actually love them to bits!

Or when
My girls : I love you so much it hurts!
Me : You know I don't love you.
My girls : I know you love me too much you won't admit cause it hurts you too!
They know me so well. :')

Would you rather have somebody says they love you but never shows or somebody shows they love you but never says so?

A sad truth, I am the latter. I SHOW how much I love people, but I've never say it with words. God knows how the people around mean WORLD to me. I guess it is the same case as when I'm upset with my friends/loves, I cried instead of telling them I'm mad at them. And, I'm soooo not good with words. I don't (just) say, I show.

I'm a 'hugs' kind of person. ^.^

Deeply, I know. This doesn't make anything better pon. "Maybe you can start learning to say you love them. It is good for them to know that you love them as much as they love you." Aima's words hit me. I guess she's right.

To love someone, is a gift.

Please don't take this bad way but I want to say my love to people when I really mean it. Not because I think I need to say it for the sake of courtesy. You know what I mean? But to come and think of it, I actually DO love them. So what is the problem, Hanis Hafizah? I'm just to shy to admit. Yes. I indeed need to learn to be expressive with words. I've felt so much love. I think it's time for me to give them mine. :)

Once I said it to my sis
Me : I love you Alin
Alin : Haha. Kak Long dah kenapa? I can smell something fishy.
Me : ....
Alin : Haha. I love you too Kak Long btw.

Errr, I guess it was good, for a start? Heee.

I rarely say I LOVE YOU even to my family but God knows how I cannot live without them.

Tell me, am I ........ selfish? :(






p/s: If this is a pregnancy I would say "The 'first trimester' passed, unknowingly." Thank You.
       much love, Hanis Hafizah ♥

Cry Baby

now playing N Sync - This I Promise You

First of all, I think this post is one of the rubbish thoughts I've had in mind but I'm gonna write anyway. You can back off now but if you intend to stay and keep reading, it's your choice. I have no objection with either of that.

Growing up, I was NEVER a cry baby. I didn't recall any cryings I've made during my childhood. Oh, there's this one I remembered clearly. I was five and at my Tadika Perpaduan during that time. Pakai pinafore and stuffs. I really don't know why, but the boys, they LOVE teasing me and making me chase them around the class, I mean LITERALLY chasing and running, not that fangirl-kinda chasing alright you got my point. They pinched my cheeks until they turned bright red, stealing my oh so cool rulers and erasers and many more. I was so angry until one day I exploded when there was this one boy whom I believe the boys' leader pinched my cheeks and my arms after school. I was so angry I walked home crying! And to make things interesting, I had to pass by his house to get to my house and his parents were standing at the front door while I was passing. They were so furious seeing me crying and asked, "Pija, kenapa menangis ni?". I was sobbing like hella non stop I only managed to say "Anak Acik!!" and I ran home. Hahahaha.

But since that incident, I promised myself not to cry to boys ever again. I built myself to be super strong. And it actually worked! Don't mess with a five year old girl, man! And yeah, I never cried whenever I had fight with anybody anymore since then, throughout my whole eleven years in school.

When I was seven, the class monitor PUNCHED me in the face, out of blue. I was like "Woi apehal?". It was a good thing to laugh at, and definitely the main topic whenever he and I chatted, up until now. Sampai sekarang we both don't know why he punched me back then. But yeah, I didn't cry.

I only cry a few years after that; during the UPSR year. You know, when teachers do the pejam-mata-bayangkan-muka-mak-ayah-awak kinda things masa musim dekat-dekat exam yada yada. And I also cried when my bestfriends didn't get 5A's. Talking about friendship, huh? ;)

Masuk asrama pun tak nangis. Homesick? Pffft. Apa tu? I don't do homesick. Tak macho la weh. Those were pretty much my thought during high school. Kena marah kena ragging teruk dengan seniors pun tak nangis langsung. Though I was scolded for not crying, buat muka strong dan tabah (or they claimed muka kerek lol). 

Nangis sikit je on my last day in school, because I was moving to Intesaber masa Four Four, and I was crying because the whole block came down to sent me off, and all of them were crying and it would be weird if I'm the only one who's not crying lol joking joking I cried because I was touched of course. :') Love you guys Aspuri 18!!

Weh panjangnya mukadimah.

I think the first eighteen years of my existence I didn't do so much crying. But it all changed once I move to Penang to enter medical school. Then was when my soft side started to develop. I cried missing home. I cried missing my school girlfriends. I cried when study was hard. I cried when I know I haven't prepared enough for the exam. I cried seeing little kids crying. I cried watching movies. I cried watching sad dramas on telly. I cried when I'm angry because I can't yell to people I'm mad at because things would be worse so I kept silent it hurts so much I burst into tears.

Yes, reaching the age of twenty, I started to keep things bottled up. Because I know I can hurt people with my words when I'm angry. So I ended up crying, alone. The thing with me is, I don't like crying in front of other people. Because I look super ugly crying. Yup, childish reason but that's me. 

So I will sit in an empty room in fetal position and I will call my trusted ones; my crying shoulders. Over the phones, I can let it all out. But that's it. After that I will put a happy face in front of other people. Like nothing has happened. 

Another alternative if I ever need to cry is I always disguised it with a sad movie. I can cry for like EVERY SINGLE SAD SCENES IN EVERY MOVIES that freaking exist. There are a few movies that you can use up as an excuse for crying (like me heheh) such as Armageddon, The Time Traveller's Wife, Lovely Bones, Sam, Miracle in the Cell Number 7, Titanic (yeah hopeless romantic but I just need to list it down anyway), Charlie St Cloud, et cetera.

Tapi satu benda yang paling tak tahan is when I called Ayah mengadu penat study takut exam and stuffs, Ayah cool je kata "Kak Long kan kuat. Kak Long kan anak jantan Ayah." Dua ayat je. Terus bercucuran air mataku. Menangis lah lepas tu sejam tak berhenti. Memang anak Ayah betul ni. (Pstt, rindu Ayah huhu.)

But sometimes I just cannot hold myself. I needed to cry out my heart, I can instantly burst into tears when somebody asked "Are you okay?" and just hug me tight even before I answered them. Happened once during Kem Biro Tatanegara while I was waiting for my interview result to come out I was so freaking out; Salihah hugged me and I just cried non stop in her arms for a good twenty minutes. The facis were worried they thought my boyfriend was breaking up with me. I was like "Whattt. I was freaking about my college placement and you thought I only think about my boyfriend? Seriously?" Haha.

And once again lately I couldn't hold my tears, ternangis depan Ikang, dekat Quadrangle, in public. Punyalah cover muka tak nak bagi orang nampak. Ikang pun tak boleh nampak. "Jangan tengok, mascara smudge habis satu muka buruk gila" that was what I said. And Ikang made the smoothest move, she handed me a tissue and I cried even more. Such a cry baby, Hanis Hafizah.

Writing this post, I think I can conclude that medical school really made me tear up, like, A LOT. Since 2010. Tak pernah tak nangis dalam satu semester. And I can cry for weeks sebab kecewa dengan study performance. Now reaching 22, I cry really easily. My heart becomes softer (compared dengan zaman sekolah dulu, keras sangat). I am more ladylike now. I'm becoming more sensitive, with myself and with people around. I don't know whether it is a good thing or a bad thing. I'm actually blaming aging hehe. You know that moment of silence, right after bagi salam lepas solat? I can cry abruptly at those times. Especially during hardships. Masa tu lah rasa hanya pertolongan Allah je yang boleh bagi tolong survive.

Indeed. Allah sahaja sebaik-baik tempat mengadu, tempat bergantung harap, dan pemberi pertolongan.

 

I actually need a good sweet escape like Connemara

P/s: Truth is, your girl cried again tonight. And she needs you.

Rahasia Saya yang Jiwa-Jiwa.

Saya nak bagitahu satu rahsia. Mungkin bukan rahsia lagi. Saya rasa dah ramai yang tahu fakta ini. Perempuan secara umumnya (mungkin bukan semua) paling suka kalau jejaka mereka pandai menyanyi. Pandai main gitar? Satu bonus. Kenapa? Sebab perempuan ini jiwanya halus dan lembut. Dalam kata lainnya, berjiwa romantik. Dalam kata lainnya, jiwang. Mereka suka kalau jejaka mereka ada suara yang sedap, boleh menyanyikan isi hati mereka, sing his heart out kata orang putih. Romantik, gitu. Amboi, siapa yang tak terbuai hati kalau ada jejaka (kacak atau tidak belakang kira) menyanyikan lagu jiwa-jiwa khusus untuk kita seorang sahaja. Masa itu, satu populasi rama-rama main kejar-kejar dalam perut. Semua boleh bayangkan rasa itu?

Tapi bagi saya, ehem, kalau suara awak tak sedap pun tak apa. Awak tak pandai menyanyi pun tak apa. Awak tak menyanyi untuk saya pun tak apa. Cukuplah awak pandai mengaji, insyaAllah kita boleh tadarus sama-sama. Manis, gitu. Lagi satu, ehem, saya nak bagitau satu lagi rahsia. Ini rahsia saya, lepas ini bukan rahsia lagi, kalau awak dah baca entri ini. Saya paling lemah bila dengar orang berzikir dan berselawat. Secara langsung, ya?! Kalau dengar melalui radio atau laman youtube, feelingnya kurang sedikit. Kalau dengan secara langsung tu, aduh boleh tersentuh hati, berderai jantung. (Saya nak kata bergetar hati tapi geli pula. Mungkin hati saya bergetar sebab duduk sebelah speaker. Sound vibration kata orang fizik.) Kalau dilayan jiwa dan rasa itu, boleh menitis air mata. Sebab saya rasa dekat sangat dengan Pencipta. Besar betul pahala orang-orang yang berzikir itu.

Dan saya rasa, semua orang insyaAllah boleh melafazkan zikir. Sebab tu saya kata, awak tak semestinya kena ada suara yang sedap. Tapi kalau awak suka rela nak menyanyi untuk saya, kecik tapak tangan, Dataran Merdeka saya tadahkan. Eh.

Tengah-tengah malam macam ini, datanglah geli-geli jiwang saya. Kali ini, jiwang islamik. Janganlah sampai orang menyampah pula, contohnya: "Ana lah tulang rusuk anta yang hilang itu."

Ewah-ewah gediknya Hanis Hafizah. Maafkan saya. Hanis Hafizah terlebih makan coklat malam ini. Hanis Hafizah patut tidur sekarang.

Dah baca Al-Mulk malam ini? :)
Sudahlah Abam Orlando Bloom, jomlah kita pergi mengaji.