Anish Apijah nak jadi apa?

Masa sekolah rendah cikgu suruh tulis karangan 'Cita-cita Saya', confident je tulis "guru yang berdedikasi, ingin mendidik anak bangsa, yadayadayada". Lepas tu up sikit, tukar, nak jadi pensyarah pulak. Cikgu tanya "Hanis, awak nak jadi pensyarah apa?" Cikgu Rosliadi nama dia. Confident jugak jawab "Pensyarah ugama, cikgu!" Haha 😂😂😂.

Makin tambah umur makin bertukar-tukar cita-cita. Pernah nak jadi Engineer (dah isi pun borang nak masuk sekolah teknik), Architect (sebab tengok abang Form Five macam cool buat Lukisan Kejuruteraan), Pakar Forensik kerja dengan polis (sebab selalu sangat tengok CSI), pernah rasa nak jadi cikgu again - Guru Add Math (sebab masa tu pergi Perfect Score SBP Add Math), and pernah jugak nak jadi Chemist (sebab suka Kimia gila gila gila). 😁

Last-last lepas SPM sambung medik. 💉 Alhamdulillah, enjoy je and the experiences are magnificent. 😊 And now dah halfway through dengan Medicine, masih lagi tanya diri sendiri, betul ke nak jadi Doktor ni? Sebab sometimes rasa tak yakin dengan keupayaan diri sendiri. 

But what can we do is berusaha je sesungguh hati dan selalu jugak berdoa dengan Tuhan semoga dipermudahkan jalan yang kita dah pilih, or show us the right pathway in our future life, sebab after all, Dia je yang Maha Mengetahui segala rahsia di langit dan di bumi. 😇

Yang penting, usaha! Ada rezeki, alhamdulilah. Kalau takde, kita reroute. 😉 (tengok-tengok nanti Anish Apijah jadi Perdana Menteri ahahahahahhahaaha)

P/s : macam biasa stethoscope pinjam 😜
P/s/s : #throwback gambar masa OSCE tahun lepas, cuak gila and tak perasan pun OSCE jatuh on my birthday, sampai la the examiner doctor (my crush lol) check student card and cakap "Congratulations, you are done. Happy Birthday!" sambil senyum kasi cair satu kali. Kah! 😂

Sorry That I Rambled

I don't know. Maybe I've kept too many things bottled up for these past few weeks. 
This is a hard path, it really is, and I acknowledge that. I don't know how other people survive this, but I've tried so hard to make sure that I TRY my best to make the most of it. And I've been improving, rather a lot than the last time. But when I think I've had given my all, the reality hits me hard, on the face. 

Bersedia dari awal. Burnt the midnight oil if I had to. Made sure to go through everything before the class/tutorial/practical starts. Prepare myself because I know nak setaraf dengan kawan2 yang lagi pandai ni, it takes hard work. Ilmu tak datang golek-golek macam tu je, that one I know. But the thing is, kau rasa kau dah bersedia, and when the real time comes, rupanya ada sejuta lagi benda yang kau tak tahu. That's a part of learning process, again, that one, I know. Tapi when it comes to feeling inferior, and insecurity, I guess we just can't help it, eh?

Bukannya jealous dengan orang yang lagi pandai, tapi disappointed dengan diri sendiri sebab... tak tau sebab apa. Sebab ilmu tak cukup tinggi macam orang lain maybe? And why are we comparing ourselves with other people, is another question I couldn't answer. It hurts so much harder when you're mad with yourself. Disappointed with your own self. When you're feeling overwhelmed, and incompetent, and like you don't belong. When you think that you've work hard enough but apparently your enough is not enough enough.

I know, I should not focus on the bad things but need to see on great things I've accomplished so far. To feel tired, to complain is definitely not an option. But little did I know being positive is quite a hard work itself. To tell myself that everything's gonna be okay is rather a hard work itself. And to live up to people's expectations is a hard work itself.

May Allah give me strength, give us strength.
I'm sorry that there's too much negativity in this post. I just need to let it all out. Night. (I'm fine.)

All Those Shower Thoughts

I don't know about you, but most of my wisest (at least I thought they were wise) decisions and thoughts were made while I showered.

The one most popular topic while I showered every morning before going to class is "Outfit of The Day". Yes, I know. Truly a girl I am, blablabla. All those make up slash fashionista gurus out there that you may found in Youtube will usually suggest you plan your outfit the night before so that you don't have to rush the next morning. But it doesn't quite work with me. Okay, perhaps it works sometimes, especially when I have something REALLY big coming up, like hari raya or formal dinners sort of things, yeah, but with everyday class outfit, maybe not.

To my surprise (or maybe you are surprised too), sometimes I also thought about bigger things. Like

1. Where am I in ten years time? Will I be married and have kids, or still single?
2. Is it rational for me to have pets?
3. Will I make it to the last of my study and become a doctor one day?
4. If I didn't pick medicine, where would I be now?
5. Is it normal to gaze at the sky and be mesmerized with it, every time I looked up?
6. Why does rainbow makes people happy?
7. Why are people being so kind to me? I am not really kind anyway.
8. Do people always feel satisfaction during charity deeds, like I felt? Or it only hits certain people?
9. I love kids too much. What will happen if nauzubillah I couldn't have kids of my own?
10. Will I die young or will I live till my nineties? Will my death be sudden or because of a disease?
11. What are people thinking of me when they first saw me, and when they saw me like, for a year?
12. How does it feels like to have a brother?
13. Will I achieve my dream to travel the world?
14. Will I achieve my dream to settle down and live in a farm with my beloved ones till death do us apart, doing nothing but good deeds to people around and charity and serve the community, doing nothing but everything that makes me happy?
15. Can I sing really well?
16. How long more does it takes for me to be a good guitar player?
17. When will I finish reading all those books I bought? Or they will just end up in the library I build in my dream house?

I have so many thoughts inside me, but right now I couldn't think of a proper outro.

Words.

Lesson of the day; a simple word can makes everything (seems) better.

Instead of saying "Pass me the sauce." maybe you can say "Please pass me the sauce." or "Can you pass me the sauce, pretty please?". Because people will always love to help but never like to be dictated.

And remember, always appreciate. A simple "thank you" would be nice. And it is never wrong to say "thank you" when you haven't got the help yet like "Can you please help me cleaning the kitchen tonight? Thank you :)"

A note to self. And to all NUIG first meds, let's strive for our last battle tomorrow. Yosh! :)

Rabbi yassir wa la tu'assir. :)

New Friend

Aizat came to Galway yesterday. Yup, Aizat my best friend. Finally sampai jugak ke Galway. Tapi datang mengejut. All this while geram betul dengan Aizat sebab he visited other FAR AND EXPENSIVE places like Turkey and Amsterdam tapi Galway yang tiga jam from Cork ni, tak sudi nak datang pun. Haha.

Dah la datang sekejap je. Pastu bagi short notice. Padahal orang dah cakap banyak kali before this, kalau nak datang bagitau awal2 boleh prepare nak masak ke apa ke. Heeeee semalam dah kena bebel dah dia. Haha. Kesian.

Kena lah jumpa walaupun sekejap!! Dah la tetamu, my besto pulak tu. *Eventho he wasnt coming here for me peduli apa hahaha* Perlu jumpa untuk catch up stories and blablabla.

Yada yada yada yada.

Eventually Aizat datang dengan Aisya Amira (Bit) and his friend (whom I didnt know before) Ridhwah. Okay to be honest, I was quite embarrassing to keep writing what I'm gonna write after this. But for the sake of keeping the memories *ecewahh* I'll go on. *wink*

Ridhwah. I remember this one time I asked Ami (Syaza Nur Amirah) "How's Aizat?" -they are both classmates in Cork- "Oh, Aizat dah ada best friend baru sekarang, ____________(insert name here, I forgot the name Ami mentioned)". And I was like, "Oh, yeke." *Buat muka biasa*

Tapi dalam hati, I dont know why, ada rasa sedih sikit. I taught "Aizat ada kawan baru sekarang, he'll tell her everything, and he'll do everything with her, and he'll slowly forget me and our friendship." *sila baca dalam nada pasrah*

I think I was being childish. Just pure childish. That kind of childish yang masa sekolah rendah dulu ada BFF pastu tiba2 BFF kita rapat dengan orang lain pergi kantin sama-sama and kita tak nak kawan dengan orang lain tu sebab orang lain tu rampas BFF kita. That kind of childish thing, that kind of childish feeling. Hahaha. Today I am laughing at my own very twenty year old (during that time I asked Ami) self. Pfft.

And yesterday when Aizat told me he's coming with Bit and Ridhwah (whom I didnt know before) I was thinking, "Ohh maybe she's the one yang Ami cakap tu, there I told you, they are going everywhere together now". See? I was being childish again! Haha.

Aizat: Diorang teringin nak makan Mr Waffle esok, jom?
Me: Kau teringin tak? Kalau diorang teringin, diorang pergilah.

Part of me was hoping that Aizat didnt want to go to Mr Waffle so I dont have to meet his new friend Ridhwah and we can go chilling anywhere else. Takdir Allah, in the end kena jumpa face to face dengan Ridhwah jugak. At Mr Waffle.

What can I say, she is not as what I expected. *I have this kind of attitude I am so sorry. I even feel sorry for myself. T___T* The moment my eyes laid on her, everything changed. "Hai. I'm Iwa." *dia lambai sambil senyum*

She's cute. And the most important thing is, she is very very very very nice. No wonder Aizat boleh mingle dengan Iwa. She's very warm. And humble, and baik sangat. We were getting very well towards each other.

Alright, I think I get along with people very well, eventho I just know them. I mean I can and I will try my best to fit in so that there will be no awkward moment. But the case is different with Iwa. At first I thought I will never get along with her (sekolah-rendah-BFF-kena-rampas remember? hahaha) but eventually it turned out very very very differently. 180 degree. First time jumpa boleh terus get along, betul-betul ikhlas dari hati takde main2 fake feeling ke apa.

Ya Allah, rasa berdosa sangat. Sebab ada that kind of feeling. I was being unfair to Aizat, and more important to the innocent Iwa.

Iwa, if you are reading this, Haha mintak maaf sangat. And truly, you are really a very nice person. I feel so blessed to know you today, eventho kita boleh jumpa and sembang sekejap je. Sorry for the things I've done, and for the things I said, or for the thoughts I had. I really hope to see you again next time. Please dont be mad at me, if you are reading this. I am truly sorry and i am sincerely want to be your friend. :) Do come here again, I will cook something for you insyaAllah.

So yeah, I said it. I wrote it. And I'm gonna post it. Now you see the other side of me. Yup I am being perfectly imperfect. Dont judge. Okay, judge if you want. I dont even care. The thing is, I am being honest with myself. I made a mistake and I am not afraid to admit it. I'm not afraiddd *tune in Eminem okay apehal tibe2*

Aizat tak makan sayur. Iwa pun tak makan sayur. I hereby approve if you two want to have something "more than friend" hikhikhik. Just do remember to tell me and, jaga batas, boleh pandang-pandang jangan pegang-pegang lol. If you really want it, do it the right way. :)

Assalamualaikum.

Bit, Iwa, and me. At NUI Galway main building, The Quadrangle. (I'm getting chubbier yes I am aware of that. Dont blame me, its study and exam week I am so depressed I cant stop munching, lol)

1.2/2013; New Year, New Semester

#nowplaying Daylight by Maroon 5

Assalamualaikum all. :) Ya Allah. It has been FOREVER since I last posted here. For those who have been wondering (ehhh ada kah?) where on earth was HahaTomatoBlast for these past six-seven months, well right on this very second I am typing this post on my desk in my room in Dunaras Village, my hostel in Galway, Ireland. Yes, Ireland. Alhamdulillah, finally. :')  Allah made my dream comes true. :)

In fact, I have been studying here for almost four months now and today I start my second semester of the year. :) Okay truthfully, I do feel quite guilty for not updating, abandoning my blog and forgetting the little world I built here. I know I should keep on writing no matter what happened so that I can restore these memories and read it when I got older. Sounds corny, eh? ;)

So I made up my mind; I should write here, a few times in a month (at least) regardless the fact that not everybody is reading blogs anymore nowadays. I should tell my self that I write not for them to be pleased but for ME myself. :)

Mushy. Haha.

Oh yes, I did mentioned that today is my first day in 1MB7 1.2 right? Hahaha whuuuuttttisthattt 1MB7 1.2..!? In Layman's term (ecewahh) it is simply described as "First Year Medical Student, Second Semester". First day of the year masuk sekolah. Ha.Ha.Ha. After three weeks of winter break, yes only three weeks but STILL, cuti, means no class no textbook no whatnot, i think you got the feeling aite? *cough*

The day started as early as it can possibly be, Medical Professionalism (macam belajar sivik) lecture at 8am. Tell you what, naik bas pagi-pagi feels like nak naik bas balik raya kat kampung tengah malam buta. LOL Subuh starts at 6.41am and ends at 8.49am, so you got the idea on how gelap the world outside kan? Haha.

I need to stay at the uni until 5pm (mind you, Maghrib starts at 4.37pm which means I walked out of the house masa gelap and got back home bila dah gelap. Huhuu, this is winter eberybadehhh) okay sambung balik; I need to stay at the uni until 5pm as I need to attend my first SSM meeting. SSM stands for Special Study Modules in which the student got the opportunity to learn in depth on whatever medical field that he might be interested in. In my case, my SSM is Cardiovascular Medical Device. I am practically so excited, people who know me must be aware how much I love cardiology, heheee. And for start, we need to make a presentation about pacemaker this Thursday, and then we'll be going on with meeting patients. YES, real patient. OMG cuaknya cuaknyaaaa. On the very first day of school pun dah cuak habis dah ni, takde masa nak warm up warm up dah. =.=''

I think this should be enough, for now. Panjang pulak mak nenek ni membebel. See you in the next post. Till then, jangan nakal-nakal, assalamualaikum. :)

lenguh ni angkat upper limb tinggi-tinggi, hipster betul =..=

Aim for next post(s)

- winter break tour; Galway-Edinburgh-London

- what I love about Galway

- anything I feel like pointing out?

InsyaAllah

Niat dah ada, kena cuba laksanakan. :)